I am finding myself sitting in bed on a Tuesday night, after two days of calling to work “sick”, contemplating whether I can pull myself together enough to go in tomorrow morning.
A month ago I was stressed and borderline depressed at my unemployment situation. Now, I am stressed with my employment situation. I was struggling to cope with the amount of time that I had for my thoughts to wander – something that any over-thinker can understand. Now, I struggle to cope with how little time I have to allow my thoughts to wander. I need some kind of balance. In my new position, I am at work nine hours a day, five days a week and six hours on a Saturday. I know people who can cope with a large workload over a large portion of their life, but I am disappointed to say that I do not think I am one of them. I come home from work and my mind is fried, I have taken in so much information throughout my working day that the last thing I want to do is think. I struggle to read, find it impossible to write and I can barely focus on following a television series. I was so excited when I set up this blog, it was an outlet for my passion, a way to put some of my brain-ramblings on paper and see if anyone else was crazy enough to relate to me out there, and it was a way for me to move inches closer to my dream of becoming a writer… but with this new job, I find myself unable to think of any content worth posting, aside from my rants about frustration with work and my writers block. I think I have reached a point where I am asking myself whether a minimum wage job, with no chance of promotions, is worth becoming miserable over and I think I am beginning to believe that it isn’t.
When I started this blog, I was trying to do a thirty-day writing challenge, which proved to be an actual joke of a challenge for me, but I have had blogs before that I have closed down and given up on when the going has got tough, I don’t intend to do that this time. I don’t know what direction the blog is going to take, I don’t know who my audience will be… but for now, this will be a space of the ramblings from a severely confused and clumsy twenty-six-year-old.